


Megane Rangers

by yukiscorpio



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiscorpio/pseuds/yukiscorpio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Protecting Opticians and Meganes everywhere - Megane Rangers!</p><p>Tenipuri sentai comedy AU. Sorry not sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on LJ in 2007.

In classrooms across Kantou, eight very different boys stood up at the same time, and said,

"Sensei, I need to go to the bathroom."

 

Tezuka and Inui dashed down the stairs, heading towards Seigaku's school gates. Outside, a van was waiting. It was playing a disgustingly cheerful and childish tune that belonged uniquely to this sort of van - the sort that sold ice-creams.

"I wonder what it is, this time," Inui said when the van came into view. It was impossible to guess, since the ice-cream van was operated by one of the few people he could not get good data on: Niou Masaharu, someone who had too much time on his hands and too little sanity, if any.

Tezuka didn't bother replying. They stopped in front of the van, and Niou waved at them from the driver's seat. They took a look at the face (d>:<) painted on the hood, and the word _Yukimuraaaaaaa_ written down the side of the van.

"Ah, it's easy this time." Inui walked up to the door, "the password is 'sanada'." At this, the door opened, and they found that Yagyuu and Oshitari were already inside.

"Ya, you two," Oshitari greeted as Tezuka and Inui climbed in. "The password's a bit simple this time isn't it?"

"I don't think Sanada will appreciate the joke." Tezuka sat down and buckled up.

"Doesn't matter, he's pretty much stuck with this." Oshitari grinned. "If he could get rid of Niou he would have done it ages ago."

"That's right," from where he sat in the front, Niou turned around and smirked. "Anyway. Going to fetch Buchou now. He'll make us run laps if we take too long."

Yagyuu frantically checked, for the nth time, that his seatbelt was securely fastened.

"Come on let's go!"

Niou flicked a few switches, and the ice-cream van disappeared from Seigaku's gates in a shower of purple sparkles. (The sparkles reminded Oshitari of the [Shiny Tinfoil Metallic Purple Panties he saw on eBay](http://pics.livejournal.com/yuki_scorpio/pic/0026zx5y), but he kept quiet. Sometimes it was better not to let other people know what sorts of things you looked up on the Internet.) Tezuka, as usual, said something about being unnecessarily dramatic and Niou once again said dimension travel could not work without the sparkles. The better the sparkles, the quicker they got to places. As Niou was the only one who could operate the van, nobody could argue with him.

Their buchou was already waiting when the van reappeared only a few streets down from Seigaku Jr High. Yagyuu muttered something about it being within driving distance, which earned him a pat on the shoulder from Oshitari.

"Oh, it's Sanada-kun." Outside, the buchou said with slight amusement, and got into the van. "Love the drawing, Niou-kun."

Niou gave a quick salute. "Yamato-buchou."

With Yamato inside as well, the van became a little bit cramped and everyone shuffled a bit. Yamato chose to sit next to Tezuka, putting a hand on Tezuka's thigh almost by reflex and the other one pressing down on a device hidden inside his headband.

_Moshi mosh~_

_Yuu~_ A soft and rather feminine voice replied, sending signals straight to Yamato's headband and into the brain. _How're you?_

_Not bad, not bad. Kinda hungry, it's supposed to be lunch break now..._

_Can we get on with more important matters first?_ A sterner, exasperated voice jumped into the conversation. _It's the shop at Ikebukuro 2-chome. I'll send you the information._

_Sanada-kun, tense as usual._ Yamato laughed as data flashed across his high-tech, tinted glasses. _Why don't you guys relax a bit? I'm sure we can deal with this without your assistance. Just don't have too much fun without me._

_Okay~ speak to you later ♥_ Yukimura was definitely smiling. _Take care, and stop perving on Tezuka._

Laughing some more, Yamato severed the connection, his hand never leaving Tezuka's thigh. It seemed like Tezuka was going to say something, but he swallowed his words, as usual. Yamato stroked the thigh some more and then gave Niou a set of coordinates. Yagyuu checked his seatbelt again, and they were off.

When they stepped off the van, they were at one of the many side streets of Ikebukuro. The boys took note of the scene: white smoke coming out from a shop front, all of the shop's merchandise - all the meganes - completely shattered, customers and shop workers running amok, chased by slimy green monsters, whilst a Boss figure hidden behind the smoke stood and watched. All in all, a familiar scene.

"Well well," Yamato rubbed the stubble on his chin, and glanced at the boys to his left and right. "Let's do it."

  
**"Megane power - Henshin!"**

"Eliminating evil without being careless - Megane Blue!"

"Eliminating evil with data - Megane Green!"

"Eliminating evil with... ah, who cares? Megane Red!"

"Megane Yellow!"

"Megane Black!"

The five suddenly-spandex-clad boys gathered together and struck a pose. "Protecting Opticians and Meganes everywhere - Megane Rangers!"

Niou remained in the van; he'd ran out of shiny confetti so there was no need for him to be out there.

The rangers quickly disposed of the monsters ("It's always the same monsters..." "Red, yuudan sezu ni fight-o." "All right, all right..."), so that nothing stood between them and the Boss. The smoke was still heavy and preventing them from seeing the Boss properly.

"Come out and show your face!" Yamato shouted, the other rangers standing either side of him, forming a colourful line.

"Make me." The voice that replied was warped.

Yamato was about to step forward, but Yagyuu grabbed his arm. "Buchou, be careful. I think this is no ordinary smoke." 

Looking around them, Yamato realised that Megane Yellow was right. A few passerbys had collapsed, barely moving. "You're right. Green, your analysis of the situation?"

"I am 80% certain that the smoke is actually a type of gas that disables movement upon inhalation; I have experimented with producing a similar sort of gas before. The effects are not permanent, but we are at a disadvantage."

The figure in the smoke began to chuckle softly. He tossed something into the wrecked shop behind him, causing a blast and destroying what remained of the shop.

"How dare you!" Megane Blue, Tezuka, finally spoke. How dare anyone do such a thing to a megane shop! He would never forgive anyone who did this!

"MEGANE ZONEEEEEE!"

At the call, a golden light began to glow around the Blue Ranger, and a whirlwind blew, centring around the ranger's hips and sucking everything in - broken glass, pieces of debris, and the poisonous smoke. The other rangers quickly found lamp posts and other sturdy things to hold on to so that they would not disappear into the mysterious place that was Tezuka's crotch.

When it was all over, the smoke had completely cleared, revealing the Boss - who was wearing a gas mask. He too had held on to a sign post so he did not get sucked in by the Megane Zone.

The red ranger, Oshitari, sighed in disappointment when he found he still couldn't see the Boss's face. "You've lost. Hand yourself over, or we will take you by force."

"Lost?" The Boss laughed softly. Something was moving in quickly from a distance, the sound of spinning blades growing louder and louder. By the time the rangers noticed the helicopter was here to take the Boss away, the man had already grabbed hold of the rope ladder dangling down. "My work here is done."

The rangers returned to the ice-cream van, demoralised and disappointed. This was not the first time they met the Boss, yet time and time again he managed to escape from them. And another shop had been destroyed.

After a few encouraging words from Yamato, Niou gave everyone a ride home. It was already too late to return to school, and by now their schools had gotten used to their day-long toilet breaks and did not question them anymore. One by one, the boys returned home to reflect on the day's events, except for Yamato, who told Niou to take him to Rikkai.

When Yamato left, leaving only Niou and Yagyuu in the van, Niou turned around and gestured for Yagyuu to sit in the front. Yagyuu contemplated getting off now and taking the bus home, but something changed his mind and he climbed into the front, buckling up.

"Wonder what Buchou's here for." Niou muttered, stretching and yawning.

"To see Yukimura-kun, I guess."

"They've been flirting, yeah... but, how about Sanada?"

"I don't know, Niou-kun."

"How about Tezuka's Megane Zone, what do you think happens to all the stuff it sucks in?"

"I don't know, Niou-kun. Perhaps it goes to another dimension, like this van does."

"All that smoke... Tezuka probably farts it all out afterwards."

"Perhaps."

Niou smirked. Yagyuu was getting all worked up, he better not tease him much more or he would snap. "Right, let's go home." He gunned the engine. "Sparkles ready..."

"Niou-kun, can we drive instead?"

"I don't have a driving licence. Surely you can't be suggesting that I drive illegally?"

Yagyuu swallowed hard and held onto his seat. Why dimension travel. WHY. And why did this van have to, every time, land where it always landed when going to his house?

He squeezed his eyes shut. And thanked the heavens that he remembered to move the sofa this morning.

A shower of purple sparkles later, Niou and Yagyuu arrived at Yagyuu's house.

Actually, make that _in_ Yagyuu's house.

Yagyuu hated this ice-cream van.


	2. Chapter 2

During lunch break, Tezuka and Inui sat down together at the cafeteria to eat. Inui's lunch box contained something slimy and green that reminded Tezuka of those monsters they fought - and knowing Inui, it wasn't impossible that he'd made lunch with the remains, as long as they were nutritious. Tezuka's own lunch was currently not that different from Inui's in appearance. It didn't start out this way, but Tezuka was still full from the Megane Zone yesterday; digesting reinforced concrete and broken glasses was hard work. This meant he had been poking at his lunch for the last few minutes and the onigiri was slowly disintegrating into a sticky, pale green pulp.

He held back a burp. Ew, that tasted like reading glasses.

"Hey, Tezuka, Inui." A voice greeted, and the pair turned to find Fuji sitting down next to them. "How are you feeling, Tezuka? You were in the toilet for an awfully long time yesterday." Fuji eyed Tezuka's lunch box. Did he just throw that up or was he going to eat it? No wonder he wasn't feeling well.

"Ah." Tezuka nudged his glasses. "There was an alligator in the toilet."

Inui nudged his glasses too. "There was. I happened to be passing by, so we wrestled the creature out of the urinal, then set it free in the wild. It took some time."

"It did," Tezuka agreed, "but it was a worthwhile cause."

"And we finally got to piss afterwards."

"We did."

Fuji smiled. "You two are so kind to animals," he said, remembering that day, years ago, when his mother said they were no longer allowed to have any pet. Yuuta still hadn't forgiven him for that. "Anyway, change of topic. Look, it's the Megane Rangers again."

They all looked at the newspaper Fuji pulled out from nowhere. _Are They Enough To Save Our World?_ The headline read. There was a picture of the rangers outside the destroyed shop, looking up at the criminal as he was carried away by helicopter.

Inui and Tezuka twitched.

"I managed to sneak out and take some photos of my own too." Fuji had some connections who would page him whenever something big happened. Sometimes he would go out and take pictures to sell to the media; more often he kept the photos to himself. "Look." He pulled out a small album, flipped to the last page and pointed at one of the photos. "Megane Blue is still my favourite."

Inui mumbled something and beat a swift retreat, leaving behind him a trail of slimy green goo.

"Megane Blue is so good-looking." Fuji nudged himself closer to Tezuka. He liked Tezuka; Tezuka always listened. He was such a good friend. "I wonder who he is. I really want to know more about him. What's his name? Where does he live? What does he like to eat?"

"Hmm." Tezuka got a pair of chopsticks and twirled the mushed onigiri with them. It had gained a sticky, stringy cheese-like texture. He ate a bit. It didn't taste too bad.

"But he feels so far away. He's a sentai ranger; I'm just a high school student and... there is no way he'd notice me. I was there so many times and he never even looked at me."

"I am sure he is closer to you than you think," Tezuka said, slurping away the stringy onigiri dangling from his lips. "When he is fighting, the situation is dangerous. I guess he just cannot find time to speak to you."

"I suppose you're right." Fuji put the album away and stood. "Thank you, Tezuka. I won't give up." He left Tezuka to have his lunch in peace, his mind full of questions on the good-looking, righteous Megane Blue. Tezuka was always so kind and encouraging, but... _he won't ever understand..._

When Fuji was out of sight, Tezuka's face became bright red as he could no longer hold back his blush. He was happy, angry and sad all at the same time, listening to the person he liked gushing about someone who was him, but not him. _He won't ever know..._

As Tezuka drowned his sorrows with onigiri mush, the left arm of his glasses suddenly vibrated. Jerking his head up, he pressed down on a tiny switch on the metal arm. Sanada's voice came through after some static. "Another optician is in trouble! Megane Rangers must go at once!"

Again? Tezuka rushed to his feet, met Inui at the corridor and hurried out of school. Just as they got to the gate, the van appeared, littering the road with purple sparkles and contaminating the air with cheerful ice-cream van music.

Tezuka stared at the newly-painted van (did Niou do this overnight?) It was black at the back, white at the front front with patches of yellow at the sides. Beady eyes were painted on the back of the wing mirrors. Some sort of beak-like contraption had been installed on the hood. Probably as a hint, little grey baby penguins had been painted on the door.

"Penguins?" Tezuka suggested. "The Arctic?" The door stayed shut. What the heck was the password supposed to be?

"No." Inui studied the van carefully, then came to a conclusion. "It's 'sanada' again."

The door opened. They climbed into the van, and found Yamato and Yagyuu already there. And also, "Yukimura? Sanada?"

Yukimura waved, looking cheerful. Sanada was staring at a stop-watch in his hand. He fixed the pair with a scrutinising stare before nodding. "Pass."

Inui and Tezuka had no time to ask questions, because Niou was already flicking switches and pressing buttons. The moment everyone was seated again ("the van's too small for all of us," Yukimura said. Yamato discreetly petted his lap, Yukimura chuckled and Sanada mumbled, "tawakega.") the van disappeared from the gates of Seigaku...

...and reappeared at Hyoutei's car park. Oshitari was nowhere to be seen.

Inui looked at the ticking numbers on Sanada's stop-watch with interest.

Tezuka tried to work out why the password was still "sanada".

Sanada kept glancing between his stop-watch and the door.

Yagyuu climbed into the front seat so that there was more room when Oshitari arrived.

Niou drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and stole looks at Yagyuu.

Yukimura and Yamato had their fingers pressing down on a spot on their headbands, having a private conversation whilst sitting in a group. At one point, Yamato's smile widened and there was an evil and amused glint in Yukimura's eyes.

"Oi-ya~, what's this?" A full minute later and Oshitari finally appeared, having jogged to the car park from the main school building. Everyone looked out from the one-way windows and eyebrows were raised when they saw that Oshitari's shirt was crumpled, the buttons were done up wrongly, and he was holding his school tie, not wearing it.

"Oi, oi, this is very special." Oshitari circled the van once. "Penguin. Baby penguin. South Pole. Happy Feet. Movies. Atobe. No?" He blinked. "How about bird? Bird flu? Chicken, turkey, goose? Goosebumps? Skin? Naked? Atobe? Oi-ya...

"No, let's start from 'bird' again. Bird. Flying. Bat. Brat. Atobe.

"South Pole. Cold. Fur coat. Atobe.

"Baby penguin! Cute! Atobe!

"Penguin! Atobe!"

At that moment, the door flew open, but it wasn't because Oshitari found the password, but that Sanada was ready to strangle the boy. "TARUNDORU!"

Oshitari started. "Sanada? ...Oh! 'sanada'!" He ignored the fuming boy and poked his head into the van to give Niou a thumbs-up. "Nice one!"

"OSHITARI!" The van shook at the baritone of Sanada's voice. "You just wasted three whole minutes! What if there were monsters to slay and lives to save?"

Oshitari ducked, but at such close distance, he still didn't manage to avoid the stop-watch thrown at him. He rubbed the spot where it bounced off his skull, hissing in pain. "What? So this is a test? Are you kidding? Do you know what sorts of things I had to say just to get out here? And you're telling me it's just a test?"

Everyone in the van, even Niou and Yagyuu, found a place to sit close to Yukimura. None of them were actually afraid of Sanada, but that boy was well known for going on a rampage when things weren't the way he wanted them. Yukimura he would never hurt though, even by mistake.

"This is not JUST a test. There could've been people getting hurt when you wasted time dallying around!"

"I wasn't _dallying around_. I was trying to get into the van."

"You took too long!"

"Well it's not my fault! Who here got the password?" Oshitari looked past Sanada and sought support from his comrades.

"I guessed the password correctly," said Inui.

"I did not. I was with Inui," said Tezuka.

"I was with Niou-kun when the call came," said Yagyuu.

"Puri!" said Niou.

"Yukimura-kun got it. I didn't," said Yamato.

"That's right," said Yukimura.

Oshitari nodded. "That's 2 out of 6. Sanada, did YOU get the password?"

A gust of wind blew by. Sanada's face became bright red.

"No he didn't," Yukimura offered helpfully.

"Ta-tarundoru! That's not the point! I normally don't use the van-"

"Exactly, that's not the point." Oshitari was shaking with anger. Inui found his note book and quickly recorded this. "So what IS the point? Do you know what it's like to have to go out and fight? Do you know what it's like to be always on call and having to stop in the middle of... _things_ ," he clutched the tie in his hand tightly, "and go out and fight slimy green monsters instead? So why are you picking on me! What is it they have that I don't!"

"O-shit... Oshitari-"

"Oh, I know. I wear plain megane, is that right?" Dark eyes narrowed behind round glasses. Something suspiciously tears-like shone in them. "So what if I wear non-prescriptives! **You aren't even a megane!** " Oshitari turned and ran into the sunset. (It was still lunch hour, but don't worry about it; the sunset was always required for this sort of scene.)

"Oshitari!" _You aren't even a megane you aren't even a megane you aren't even a megane..._

Niou got a pair of binoculars and looked out the wind screen with them. "He's gone," he confirmed.

"Fail," said Inui.

"Fail," said Tezuka.

"Fail," said Yagyuu.

"Fail fail fail," said Niou.

"Definitely fail," said Yamato.

"Complete fail," said Yukimura.

Still standing at the door, his back to the rest of the group, Sanada's head hung low. Each statement was like an arrow piercing his confidence. "Why didn't you guys stop me?"

Yukimura smiled. "Because we have such a nice view here," he said, his gaze fixed on Sanada's well-known asset. Around him, glasses glinted collectively.

Sanada quickly sat down.

After a while, when Niou had finished pulling out the arrows of failness from Sanada's body (leave them there for too long and he'd commit seppuku, and Niou didn't want blood in his van), Yamato stood. "Well, Oshitari-kun's always got a secret flare for the dramatics, being an avid romance novel reader and all... Still, looks like Uncle Yamato's gonna have to clean up the mess you've made."

"Sorry, buchou." Sanada could not look up. _You aren't even a megane..._

"Yuu... what are you going to do?" Yukimura eyed Yamato suspiciously.

"Oh, just comfort him a bit." Yamato opened the door and hopped off the van. "See ya. Don't wait up."

Yukimura twitched. He shot a deadly glare at Sanada just as Sanada looked up, and seeing the look on that face, Niou thought perhaps he should give Sanada a knife, after all.

It was decided that Sanada should be sent back to Rikkai first to avoid any bodily harm inflicted on him by Yukimura. After that, Tezuka and Inui went back to school as well (Inui finally had to explain that there was a breed of penguins called [emperor penguins](http://pics.livejournal.com/yuki_scorpio/pic/002a0f6e/), although even he confessed to not knowing how Oshitari made the direct association between penguin and Atobe). Then Yukimura announced he had to talk to Niou about things and Niou said he was heading to Yagyuu's, which was when Yagyuu found out apparently he couldn't to go back to lessons since there would be one insane plus one batshit insane boy at his place and he would rather be there to make sure nothing at home got destroyed.

Yagyuu buckled up and buried his face in his hands.

In the meanwhile, somewhere at the end of the sunset, Oshitari laid his head in Yamato's lap and sobbed. He had always wanted to try doing this once, because it was something that often happened in the novels.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Oshitari-kun." Yamato petted the long, bluish hair. The colour reminded him of Yukimura's hair. "Sanada-kun was just doing what he did best. You know, being an ass?"

Oshitari chuckled despite himself.

"You know, I've always felt a special sort of connection with you... we both wear round meganes. It's a particular style and not many people can carry it off well. But you can, and you do."

"Buchou..."

"It doesn't matter whether they are prescriptives or not; megane will always be megane. Remember, Oshitari-kun, your megane is a part of you."

"My megane... is a part of me..."

"That's right."

"Buchou..." Suddenly overcome by the revelation, Oshitari buried his face in Yamato's stomach and cried. "BUCHOU!"

"There, there." Yamato petted the blue hair some more, and wondered if Yukimura was getting jealous right at this moment.

Yup, he had to be.

Yamato grinned. One step closer to getting those pants to drop for him.


End file.
